Cross My Heart

It seems like the weekend didn't exist at all. My graduation ceremony was on saturday and I had the best grades, yay! I got almost all the awards but it seemed like everyone was jealous or something... it seems like they realized I'm the geek girl and didn't want to have anything to do with me... but I'm just tired of trying to determine their mood... still what hurts is that some friends turned out to be really shitty people and the people I expected the least from ended up being there for me. I'm trying to see the positive side in all of this, because after all next year I'll be in college and I'll probably never see them ever again, and I'll get a chance to reinvent myself (like I've done everytime my life sucks and I get the chance to). But what I've been wondering is that maybe is not just their fault that everyone I know ends up drifting away from me, maybe I push them away without realizing it.... maybe I need help, maybe I need somebody to teach me how to make lasting friends.... but I'm just so sad of being betrayed all the time and people just using me for their own interests. And it's not just them, I realize I'm an introvert and that it's really hard to me to make light conversation, or getting drunk, or just joke, or being the light of the party, but I hope that in college I will have the chance to meet like-minded people who get me as I am and become real friends I can rely on.

But I should stop now, I think I've shared too much of my personal life and it will get embarrassing reading this in the future...

So yesterday I slept half of the time and then I started reading this book.

And it kind of cheered me up, but reading this book also including reading the book Ethan Frome from Edith Wharton because half of the book mentions it and I soooo don't want spoilers in a book I had been hoping to read for some time now.